There are so many things I want to share with you.
But you are not there to hear any of it.
I am sad, but I think I also need to grow up. I accept that you have no time for me anymore.
I am letting you go. Really letting you go now. You need to fly. :)
I want to tell you, I am really inspired now. I have started writing stories. Soon I will tell Thomas what I will plan. I am really working on achieving my dreams now, you should be proud of me!
I want to hug you tightly. But maybe I won't get a chance to do that. But well, it's okay.
I hope you are feeling better and enjoying your time. Take care of yourself.
We started being close again. We started talking again. And maybe, that kept the flame in my heart burning. Maybe, I thought, we could get together again. Maybe I expected something out of it.
But again, I'm left here to mend my broken heart. :(
Last week, you admitted to liking someone new.
You said distance should probably the best for us.
You said, you don't want our relationship to be a constraint to you.
But that wasn't exactly true. You met someone. And what hurts the most is that you met her online, too. And now, you are willing to try with her.
Hence, what went wrong between us, it's not distance, isn't it?
I'm not the right girl.
What's all the sweetness then during the previous month?
You were just playing with me, weren't you?
You had no one to talk to, you were bored, and I was there...
You pretend to want to be my friend. And when you find someone interesting now, you drop me, like a hot potato. Again.
Arghh...I should have gone with my 1st instinct and should have stopped talking to you.
And today, you have shown how insensitive you are of my feelings.
Ouch! It really really hurt Gui.
Telling me you didn't say 'hi' to your parents for me because you saw no reason to is really insensitive of you. You should have said you wouldn't say 'hi' when I first asked you. But you said you would. And then you tell me you didn't say 'hi' because there was no reason to.
Nice one G. Bullseye! The poisonous arrow went straight to my heart.
Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.
You made me cry again today.
But somehow, I now know, that this has got to stop.
No more talking to you from now on Gui. No more...
I wonder why, a few days after you arrived home you joined this community of language learners--a website for learning language and for those wanting to make friends.
So, as soon as you got rid of me, you now want to make new friends?
When you told that to me, it hurt a bit--the fact that you are so eager to meet new friends...
And then when we talked you told me you hardly visit that site because you were busy and did not have time for it.
But I discovered (by stalking you a little bit, hehe) that you visit the site almost every day.
This morning, I blocked you again so you would not appear on my chat list and I won't appear online on yours.
I have to do this, for my sake.
Yes, there are moments when I say to myself that I am being selfish, that you might need a friend and I am not there for you. But I must do this, so I can truly get over you.
Last night I cried a little bit. I reminisced and thought of the times we were together. We were so happy when we first met and when we first got together. I hope that there will come a time, that I will only remember them fondly, without any trace of sadness. Now, I can feel that I still long for you...for your presence. I miss you. So much. I want to hug you Gui, and I want to be held by you. I so miss you.
I miss the moments when we would just joke around, and laugh silly. I so want to make you laugh right now...
I miss the sound of your voice...I wish I can hear it again.
More than a week ago I unblocked you from my chat list, because I thought that after more than a month since our break-up, I am okay with everything. Well, I did not totally unblock you. There were times that I would show myself, and talk to you when you start talking to me. But the times when I did block you, it took a huge amount of self-control not to unblock you again. Oftentimes, my desire to talk to you conquers my will not to.
I guess after more than a month, I should really be okay. I mean, I have already accepted the fact that we are no longer together, and that you would never ever come back to me. And that there is someone else out there for me and he's not you. And since I have accepted all these, I can now be friends with you. We were friends before we started being a couple and you treated me well and you were honest...so I see no reason not to be friends with you.
Then you wrote me a letter.
Asking me, how I was...that it had been too long since we last talked. Asking me if I was avoiding you, because I am not ready to be friends and all.
I didn't reply, but that letter shook me a little bit.
I cannot stop thinking about it. Part of me is saying that said letter meant nothing, and that you were just being your usual nice and thoughtful self. But part of me was saying that you missed me, or you missed talking to me...and that part has got me all distracted all week.
Then we talked for a bit during the weekend. It was really nice talking to you...but, we were like friends and strangers at the same time.
Our conversation made me realized how much I really missed you...and that I am so not over you.
Then you disappeared again. Didn't see you online for a few days.
It took a huge amount of self-control (again!) not to email you and ask how you were.
Then you sent me an email...again. Asking me how I was.
Then you caught me online. And comforted me that night (I was feeling scared because of the super typhoon that hit our country). And you were sweet and sent me all these songs, just like you used to when we were still together.
